


cherry kisses

by itzijn



Category: I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Lesbian Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, dina is in love with syd, kind of a continuation to the show but focused on sydina, post-Homecoming, probably some fluff, stanley is a great friend, syd is a dumbass who cares too much, syd is in love with dina, sydina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:41:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23320018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itzijn/pseuds/itzijn
Summary: What happened at homecoming shattered everyone's world. But it really shattered the worlds of two best friends who would give each other the all the stars in the sky if they could. One knows what she has to do, but doesn't know if she has the strength, and the other is tired of holding on for things she now believes might be pointless.In other words, how what happened after homecoming affected Syd and Dina's relationship, how things may never be the same again.
Relationships: Dina & Sydney Novak, Dina/Sydney Novak
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!! this is my first sort of angsty fic, my first fic with multiple chapters, and my first ianowt fic!! i hope you all enjoy, and make sure to follow me on twitter!! @1917films ^_^

Syd nibbled on her bottom lip, gazing into a blank space above the bleachers on the other side of the gymnasium where she sat, along with the rest of the student body. Her head slightly bobbed up and down, a mix of exhaustion, anxiety, and just a state of emptiness festering. It had been a week since homecoming, and things have yet to die down. It’s all anyone is talking about. How is what happened even possible? Was Sydney involved, and what’s that secret she’s hiding? Is she now dating Dina, and are they both dykes? Are--  
“Syd,” a voice whispered monotonously next to her, snapping her out of her downward spiral and back to the mundane reality that seems to have miraculously gotten worse. “Can you stop doing that? It’s annoying.”

“What?” Syd responded cautiously, not aware of what annoying habit she had apparently been partaking in.

“God-- your leg. Please stop shaking it,” Dina snapped, clearly at her limit. Syd didn’t even notice that she was doing this, and honestly, she was a bit startled. She was always shaking nowadays, when before she was practically the opposite, always very sluggish and slow at her worst. Nothing like this.

Syd looked back towards Dina, who was staring directly at Mr. Whitaker, seemingly not moving a muscle. She looked so tired. Dina was someone who was very good and hiding any issues and pretending everything was perfect, but Syd could see right through that by now. Dina may have looked as lovely as always, wearing a pair of worn mom jeans and a pink sweater, her hair in a loose bun with flyaways framing the sides of her face. But that couldn’t hide the small dark circles that were under her eyes, and the constant twitching of her hands that just started this week. But somehow, she still looked so beautiful.

Syd turned her attention forward and slightly down, to Mr. Whitaker, trying to shake the previous thoughts from her head. She found that to be easier than dealing with them. She had not been listening to a single thing he had said since the entire school was marched into the gym instead of going to fifth period, and maybe now was a good time to see what this whole thing was about.

“--I understand that this is a rough time for everyone, and I want you all to know that we have many resources available for anyone who needs it. Bradley Lewis will forever live on in our hearts. He was a star athlete--”

Syd stopped listening. She couldn’t bear to listen to how amazing Bradley Dickhead Lewis was, MVP on the varsity football team, and most popular guy in the school. How did everyone not realize how horrible he was? Or if they did, they did a shitty job of showing it. 

“He also apparently got gonorrhea from Jenny Tuffiled! I’m jealous!” a voice far behind Syd yelled, and the entire gym burst into a roar of laughter that echoed off the walls and made Syd’s ears ring. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and turned to see the girl sitting on the other side of Dina put her arm around her. Dina leaned into the girl’s chest, tears forming in her eyes.

Syd’s eyebrows creased and she was immediately filled with a feeling she didn’t necessarily recognize. It wasn’t jealousy, although that was definitely an underlying emotion. Not anger, not sadness--something different.

She stared at the girl’s hand, which was dangling off of Dina’s shoulder. Her skin was very pale and smooth, it reminded her of a doll she used to own when she was younger. Her fingers, curled ever so slightly, were long and slender. Her nails were short, and painted a light shade of pink. She wore two bracelets: one a loose metal ring with three circular charms, and the other made from various colors of string, tied tightly at the very top of her wrist.

Syd’s eyes flicked upwards to Dina, who was fully crying now. Syd felt a sharp pain in her chest, and she exhaled sharply, taken aback. Dina rarely cried, but when she did, it was very intense sobs that shook her body and dried up her throat until she could barely breathe. That should be me holding Dina, Syd thought, her breath slowly getting faster and faster. That girl doesn’t care for Dina. She doesn’t know Dina. She doesn’t love Dina. 

Dina raised her hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks, sniffling rapidly. She placed it back in her lap and Syd stared, the tears smeared on it shimmering in the bright lights above. Syd got angry frequently, but whenever it came to Dina, her emotions, not just anger, were so much more intense. 

Things had been different between them ever since homecoming. Dina had broken up with Brad before then, but she still was dating him. She had still loved him, and she still watched him die not even two feet in front of her. On top of that, Dina knew Syd was hiding things from her, and that bothered her to no end.

“We’re best friends, Sydney,” Dina had cried one time during lunch, when they had gotten in a fight. They had fights more and more frequently, even before the incident. 

Dina only ever called Syd by her full name when she was upset. Syd believed that Dina didn’t even do it on purpose, it just came out when her emotions were all over the place. But whenever she heard Dina say it, she knew she had fucked up in some way, shape, or form.

“I feel like you’ve been keeping so many things from me, and you don’t trust me or something anymore and I can’t handle it.” Dina ran her hands through her hair and sat down on the seat across the table. The wind whistled through the leaves of the trees surrounding them, a constant white noise that soon became barely noticeable after a few minutes. Syd just stared at the creases and indents in the wood on the table. She wanted to tell Dina so badly, but she couldn’t. Not yet. She couldn’t put her in danger like that.

The laughter around them continued. The girl began to rub Dina’s shoulder as she continued to sob. Syd couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t just this, it was everything. Her whole life had been a mess, but it seemed to have gotten worse in the past month. What did I do to deserve this shit? I know I’m a fucking piece of shit human being but God, what did I do? Syd’s thoughts began to spiral further and further, and she didn’t even notice that the metal bracelet on the girl’s arm was shaking and beginning to bend.

And then there was that stupid kiss. God, Syd wishes she could take it back. She knows Dina said she ‘didn’t not like it’ at homecoming, but nothing has been said about it since. It’s tremendously added on to the tension between the two of them. Syd is convinced she had been lied to, ridiculed and laughed at by Dina who doesn’t feel the same, and that she pities Syd for being so stupid. Now on top of everything else she ruined their friendship with a kiss that she hates herself for liking and wanting more of, and--

“Syd,” a voice whispered behind her, suddenly grounding her and bringing her out of the spiral. She slowly turned to see who the voice belonged to. Stanley was kneeling on the steps next to the row on the bleachers she was on. His eyes were wide and filled with concern, his lips slightly parted.

“Stan,” Syd said softly, her voice breaking. Throughout the past week, she had become closer and closer to Stan. She realized she had been such a dick to him, when all he had done was look out for her, so she decided it was time to repay him. Stan was also the only one who understood what she was going through, and he had been helping her stay calm and sane through all this. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, worry practically dripping from his lips. He placed a hand on Syd’s shoulder, and she moved over a bit to make room for him to sit. “What’s going on? I didn’t realize we had an assembly, and I sat outside my biology classroom for ten minutes before I figured out we didn’t have class,” he said, a small smile forming on his lips.

Syd smiled in return, giggling a little bit. “Uh, it’s about Brad,” she replied, fidgeting with her sweater. “You know, the same shit they do when anyone dies.”

“Oh, yeah,” Stan muttered, turning his attention towards Mr. Whitaker for a second, then looking back at Syd. “Wanna come over after school?”

Syd made a clicking sound with her mouth, then turned to look at Dina. She was peeking out of the corner of her eye at Syd, and immediately broke her gaze when they made eye contact. “Of course.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than i would have liked, but here's some platonic sydstan and syd having some realizations and finally confronting bottled up feelings!!

Syd closed the door to Stan’s basement slowly, the lock clicking softly. She dragged herself down the stairs and threw her backpack on the floor. Stan was already at his record player putting in his favorite Bloodwitch vinyl. That’s all they listened to when they were together, but Syd didn’t mind. It took a while for them to grow on her, but as Stan said once; she ‘finally learned to appreciate the epitome of music’.

The intro to their favorite song by them started to play, a fast paced electric guitar riff filled the room. Stan began to dance around, his eyes closed and his arms flailing wildly. Syd plopped down on the couch and bobbed back and forth, a goofy grin on her face. When she was with Stan everything felt okay. She was able to let go of all her troubles and worries and just--exist.

Once the song ended and a slower beat from a bass drum started, Stan stopped his dancing and flopped onto the couch, his hands behind his head and his legs resting on Syd’s lap. Syd pulled her hands out from under his ankles and positioned them on top of his shins so they both were more comfortable. She leaned back, wiggling herself in between two cushions.

“So, uh, Sydney,” Stan muttered, his eyes darting around the ceiling above them. “Have things with Dina improved? I saw you two were sitting together today at that assembly.”

And then, reality came crashing back.

“Not really. I don’t know what I can do to fix this! I care for Dina so much, and I can’t lose her, but it seems like whatever I do just makes things worse,” Syd replied, as she scratched the back of her neck and let out a tiny exhale. 

Stan sat up, and adjusted himself so he sat cross-legged sideways on the couch facing Syd, who did the same. Stan leaned forward and grabbed Syd’s hands in his. His eyes were wide and his stare intense. Syd’s eyes were wide as well, but because of feelings of confusion and a bit of fear.

“Ok Syd, listen to me. We’re going to fix this, together, and then we’re going to finally get you to be with the love of your life,” Stan said. Syd suddenly scoffed and pulled her hands back, a look of disgust on her face

“Dina isn’t the ‘love of my life,’ Stan,” Syd snapped, and she rubbed her hands on her legs, staring at a random spot on the wall. When Stan didn’t respond, Syd stopped rubbing and looked over at him. Stan’s expression was haunting, and it held an extreme expression of judgement. His eyebrows were raised and his mouth was slightly open.

“What?” Syd muttered, not wanting to admit her feelings to Stan, but mostly she didn’t want to admit them to herself. She knew she was lying, but she pushed those feelings deep down. She would deal with them another day. But apparently, this day was today, judging by the look on Stan’s face.

“You’re telling me that you don’t love Dina? Ha! That’s funny Syd, that’s a great joke,” Stan cried, nodding to himself. All of a sudden, he jumped up, and walked to the middle of the room. “If you keep on pushing down these feelings, things are going to stay bad between you two. Of course there’s other things causing this tension, but this is the underlying thing!” Stan let his arms flop down by his sides, and the corners of his mouth pulled up into a small smile. “I’m just trying to help, Sydney. Your happiness matters a lot to me, and I know how much Dina means to you. But I mean, if you want me to stop, I will,” Stan whispered, his sudden energy and motivation loss very apparent. 

They both sat in silence for about a minute, but to both of them, it felt like an eternity. Syd stared at the ground, trying to form a sentence about topics she hasn’t allowed herself to ever think about. Stan stared at Syd, dying to know what was going on in her head.

“Okay, yeah, I guess I, uh… love Dina,” Syd mumbled, and then sneered at what she had said. Stan slowly started to smile again. “I didn’t want to admit it or even think about any feelings like that, because if I did, I would never stop. But uh, here I am, finally admitting it, so that’s progress right?” Syd looked up at Stan with a smirk, and he was smiling back too. 

“Okay, it’s go-time. We’re going to make a plan--or you know what? Who needs a plan? Let’s go now! To Dina’s house!” Stan ran over and grabbed Syd’s hand. He pulled her off of the couch and over to the stairs, until she stopped and pulled her hand out of his grip.

“Can we at least wait until tomorrow?” Syd wrapped her arms around her middle, feeling pretty overwhelmed. She had just admitted something huge, and Stan wanted to take action that second. She needed more time to think. Stan stepped down the three stairs he had run up and walked awkwardly to the middle of the room.

“Sorry. I got excited.”


End file.
